Like any good millennial, there are a few things I enjoy: #catsofInstagram, ’90s nostalgia, and the overwhelming sense of entitlement that comes with contributing to the demise of entire industries, like soap.
But if there’s a stereotypical millennial trait I identify with most, it’s my love of avocados.
So when pop star Anne-Marie tried to make chocolate avocado toast a thing this weekend, I’ll admit I was slightly intrigued.
I just made avocado and chocolate spread on toast and before u say ew please try it
— ANNE♥MARIE (@AnneMarie) August 18, 2018
Intrigue quickly turned to horror, though, when my editor asked if I would try to recreate the “recipe” myself. You know, for journalism.
But being the serious professional I am, I agreed to the assignment and promptly headed for the farmers market.
Step one: acquiring the goods
It’s 8:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning in the middle of summer in San Francisco — which means it’s freezing and foggy. Luckily, the neighborhood farmers market is already almost entirely set up.
Halfway down the street, I hit the jackpot: an entire stand full of avocados from Southern California. As I wait for the woman in front of me to finish her purchase, I wonder if I should tell the avocado vendor about my little project.
I do, and the dialogue goes like this:
Me: Hi, I need one avocado.
Me: But I need one that’s soft.
Her: Oh… you want to eat it today? (She looks mildly alarmed.)
*We both begin gingerly squeezing avocados until she hands me one that she says is suitable for immediate consumption*
It is an “extra large” avocado. It costs $2.75. I decide it’s best not to tell her what I have planned for it.
Step two: chocolate crisis
Next comes what I knew would be the most challenging part of my supply run: I need to find some kind of “chocolate spread.”
My editor and I agreed that Nutella would probably do the trick, but it’s not exactly a staple of farmers market cuisine. I wonder wildly if there’s someone selling crepes whom I can persuade to sell me a single-serving of Nutella, but there are none in sight. Maybe I can find some sort of artisanal chocolaty spread amongst the stalls?
I’m almost at the end of the market when I see some jars with brownish contents and briefly get excited. I walk over only to find that it’s olives and homemade kimchi.
I begin to panic slightly as I walk up the street, hoping that maybe the corner store will be open. Of course it isn’t, but then I remember the bakery around the corner. I decide to improvise with a chocolate croissant that I’ll just scoop the innards out of. I buy one for $4.75.
AS LAST, ASSEMBLY
First, I gather all my ingredients. I pull out the avocado and croissant, then grab half a baguette I have left over from a dinner party last night.
I slice up the bread and throw it in the toaster. While it’s toasting, I begin disassembling the croissant so I can scoop out it chocolate filling. It’s trickier than I thought — the chocolate is carefully rolled into the bottom of the croissant — but I manage to get it out without making a mess.
The toaster dings, so I grab the baguette and spread on a thin layer of chocolate. I cut up my avocado and am pleased to find it’s just the right amount of soft without being overly squishy.
I carefully balance avocado slices onto the chocolate spread. I decide to add a pinch of sea salt on top to help the two flavors meld.
I spend the next five minutes staring at my creation, willing myself to take a bite. My editor says it looks good, but I’m still hesitant to eat it. I decide to go into another room to take some more photos.
Finally, I can’t put it off any longer.
I take a bite.
It’s better than I expected! But I wouldn’t exactly call it tasty. The bittersweet chocolate filling from the croissant is extremely strong and overpowers the taste of the avocado.
The resulting flavor is chocolate with a strange, creamy, avocado texture. The salt was definitely a good idea, as it helps balance the sweetness from the chocolate.
I chew slowly. It’s not exactly good, but it’s not terrible, either. I think that maybe it would be a good way to trick picky children into eating avocados.
To be honest, I’m still not sure why anyone would want to combine these ingredients, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. I realize I’m still not sure if I executed this properly — would Nutella have been better? Is there some other chocolaty spread that’s more suited for avocados that I don’t know about?
I may never be certain, but it probably doesn’t matter because I don’t think I’ll be making dessert avocado toast again any time soon.
P.S. Anne-Marie, if you’re reading this, tell me what you think of my toast.
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